lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Randomize
