Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Randomize
