with your own penis?
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I have tasted many bathrooms
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
