why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
