My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
You are the jesus of drinking
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Randomize
