She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
