Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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