We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
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