Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Randomize
