Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
