theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
