also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Randomize
