Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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