We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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