i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Randomize
