I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
