i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
