I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
