Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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