This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
