dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
