so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Randomize
