I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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