I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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