Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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