You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
