i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
