Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
