I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
