why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
We left the knife in your bed.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
