I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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