Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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