yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Randomize
