Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Randomize
