how hairy? two words: wookie tits
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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