from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
