The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
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