Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
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