Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
