did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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