just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
