tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
