sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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