he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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