So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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