I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
