He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
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