dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
