every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
