the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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