Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
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