I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
