If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
