4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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