I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Randomize
