So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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