Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
it's like iHOP with fire
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
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