Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
