I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
