I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
