i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
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