Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
