You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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