I CAN MOONWALK!
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
