Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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