and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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