when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
