You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
