Just mADE A PArabola og urine
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
