I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
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