You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
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