I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize