I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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