Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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