Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Can vaginas get frostbite?
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize