I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
We left the knife in your bed.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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