I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Randomize
