his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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