I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
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