we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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