And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
i used baking grease as lip gloss
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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