THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I came so hard my ears popped.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
