Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
