11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I want to stick my p in your. b.
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
